forgive yourself. forgive yourself.

Seaweed of guilt wrapped around my soul. Would they embrace me in the warmth of love again? How did I get here? O’ the weight of sins load weighing me down. I’m sinking into unfamiliar realms of emotions, helplessly. I feel worthless. I want my joy back. I want my sanity back. [ode of a broken soul]

The inability to free oneself from the discomfort of the souls garden from the grip of hurts, shame, and guilt in dire situations of a moral failure, and seasons of disappointments: a kind of cancer destroying the lives of so many wonderful and loving people in this life. Life is full of ups and downs. We are like birds chirping and dancing on tree branches: suddenly our feet are caught in a snare, unexpectedly everything around you is badly impacted. The good news is that our Savior and our Lord Jesus Christ always leads us into triumph as we tap into his wisdom through faith. It takes a little bit of ignorance of the ways of God to destroy your life. Let’s download some crucial wisdom from the actions of Judas, the traitor.

Matthew‬ ‭27:3-5‬ ‭GNTD‬‬ ”When Judas, the traitor, learned that Jesus had been condemned, he repented and took back the thirty silver coins to the chief priests and the elders. “I have sinned by betraying an innocent man to death!” he said. “What do we care about that?” they answered. “That is your business!” Judas threw the coins down in the Temple and left; then he went off and hanged himself.”

Judas sinned. He sinned by betraying his master to the chief priest and the elders. In the end, Jesus was condemned to death. Brother Judas could not hold himself together. He has disappointed God, the disciples and his own soul. But he also understood God’s system of forgiveness — He knew God does not deal with us according to our sins but on the basis of his forgiveness. Deep inside his heart he knew he will find forgiveness in God if he repent of his wrong doing.

He repented. He had a forceful mental turn around, that what he did was wrong. He felt sorry before God. His heart was broken, therefore he returned the price money to the chief priest and the elders; ”I have sinned by betraying an innocent man to death, he said” Judas was on the right direction towards restoration. Unfortunately, the response from the chief priest and the elders messed his emotions. They refused to take the money back; shooting his soul with more pain.

That’s your business, Judas! I have sinned, please take your money so I could be free from this guilt” That was his whole intention — to be free from the guilt of sin. It did not go as he has wished. They have this to say; ”What do we care about that?” they answered. “That is your business!” Judas threw the coins down in the Temple and left; then he went off and hanged himself.”

He took the whole weight or pressure of Jesus death on his fragile shoulders, and there was no way he could handle that. Not even the toughest person can handle that. You have betrayed the son of God to death. All the disciples has been scattered. Jerusalem has turned upside down, and every tear from Jesus mom and all who love him is connected to his action. He couldn’t forgive himself. He couldn’t shut that voice of accusations drumming inside his head. He couldn’t endure the war from within, because he was holding so much in his head. We all do that sometimes. We beat ourselves till we lose the drive to socialize with others. We feel unwanted and unworthy. That has been one of the secret weapon of the enemy to stop countless believers from destiny. Take a grip on Gods hands. You can free yourself. Don’t die yet!

Judas hanged himself. Why, Judas! You felt sorry for your mistake. You admitted it openly. So why did you go to the extreme? Did you find it extremely difficult to forgive yourself? I know there are a lot of people reading this today who may not literally hang yourself on a tree, for failing. Sadly, most of us are not enjoying the quality life which is in Christ Jesus, because we have not learned to forgive ourselves. We’ve been beating ourselves every day for hidden mistakes God doesn’t even remember. Things we have repented from. You can’t go back to correct your mistake — the best way to correct it is to dream forward; forgiving yourself and improving daily in life.

It is time we grow in this vital area of forgiveness. It is important to forgive the sins of others, but it is also necessary to forgive yourself when you have to do so. Faith works in love. To hold inside you what God has forgiven you through grace will numb your spirit from having the confident trust in God, and the courage to walk in love towards yourself as a child of the king. Free yourself today. Let go of the past. God is not holding anything against you my friend.

Let me leave you with this beautiful scripture to ponder on today, and to also thank you for taking the time to read, comment, like and share. I’m praying for you. Psalm 103:12 ”As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.